February 27, 2013

Crossing the line

Where goes the limit..what we should put up with?

When is it enough and when we can say this is not okay what you are doing?

This is very difficult question especially when talking about friends. At the moment I am in this kind of situation when I really have to think when I should say stop, this is not okay and right towards me. Maybe I have to explain a bit more. I'm doing research with my friend and the report should be ready next Tuesday. However, my friend has made so much other plans that we have to be ready on Friday. We had have a couple of weeks time to get the work ready but she has not done her part of the work, so basically she has not got anything ready and she has not written a word of the text. It makes me a bit frustrated and questioning where her priorities lie. And it makes me feel that she really has no respect towards me and that she is prioritising everything else above me and the work.

Why can't people take responsibility of them self and their actions? I hate being someone's mum..I think that when you are a grown up, and actually older than I am you know how to do things without someone saying you all the time and guiding you in the every step of your way. We all make our own decisions and we have to take responsibility of our actions. But what if there is a person who is expecting you to do her work, who basically wants to take advantage of you and who needs constantly be told what to do. It doesn't just sound right.

Why you are a friend with a person who priorities everything above you, your friendship and the work she needs to do. I really don't know. Maybe it's because I don't have that many friends so it's okay if the ones that I have are not that good ones. The most stupid thing is that this is already the second time she has put me in this kind of situation. So do I just have to blame myself that I believed she won't do it again. I really don't know what to do and how to let her know that this is unacceptable.

I think this all will cause serious damage to our friendship but I don't see that it's my fault. You should have respect to your friends, and you should not treat them like this..at least in my opinion. And the worst part is, that she doesn't see that she is doing something wrong..she is just living in her fantasy world thinking that everything will just magically happen and things will get ready even if she doesn't put any effort to them..and sure she is in some way right. Things will get ready. This is because I have to do everything by myself. I have to do that even if my partner is failing me down very badly. This is just the way it goes.. But if she thinks that she can have a free ride, she will be wrong. It's finally the time to show that people get what they deserve and that friends should be treated with respect!


  1. Hi Maija,

    I think in this case you should stand up for yourself. I know it is an extremely difficult situation, but nobody would benefit from the situation if you do not take control of your own (reasonable desires). There seem to be two different scenarios: First: You get your part of the work done, she finishes a bit of crap just before the deadline, and you both will get a mediocre mark. Second: You talk to her and about YOU FEEL in this situatuon (important: don;t blame other people) and arrange that you both work on the stuff equally in the allowed time. If that should not be possible, eat the sh*** and work out both papers / presentations (or whatever) to make sure it is a for you sufficient solution in case she really does not deliver. In the second scenario I'd propose not partnering with her at uni anymore, but remain friends.

    Anyways, I think it is time that you show others your boundaries, for your own good. Because you deserve it!

    Much love


    1. Hi Svenja,

      Thank you from your comment. I really appreciate it.

      I know that I have to talk to her about this situation. I’m not mad at her because today I was deciding not to care about her way of doing things and I will just do everything by myself. People are different and prioritize things differently. I will sure take the small contribution what she has made until now and incorporate it in the work. It feels just a bit weird, when a person is acting like this towards you and shows no respect. Also it's a weird situation when the work you do is supposed to be done in group, and you end up doing it alone. But it's just the way it goes, obviously.

      I don't think she understand how much stress and work all of it is causing to me. But I have no other option than to push it through. It's not only about the grade, it's also about that we are doing cooperation with a company and we are going to publish our reports. And I would feel really stupid and disappointed if the work that I do is not the quality they are expecting it to be. But I guess it's just life. Some people think that you can have a free ride and succeed without doing anything.